Angela Marie Stefano

I have a love/hate relationship with awards shows. On the one hand, I think they’re boring, run way too long, and try so hard to be cool. On the other hand, I enjoy watching the performances, and…no, that’s really it.

The awkward presentation banter, strange outfits and general host behavior inspire snarky comments (and the occasional legit, that-was-actually-pretty-cool one) that are too good to not share. And seeing as I’m home alone, I have no choice but to use this outlet to share them with all of you!

It’ll be like watching with friends…only I’m here, you’re there, and I don’t hesitate to comment on anything and everything.

The challenge for me is actually sitting through an entire show. I generally get fed up with the ridiculousness or tired because it’s 1130pm, the show was supposed to be over at 10, and I just want to go to bed. So, as an added bonus, let’s play a game — how long can I go before I turn off the Grammys? Will I turn it off because of exhaustion or because I can’t afford to lose any more IQ points?

We’ll find out together….

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11:30pm — So Taylor won. My dad and I are debating if she deserved it, and who we would have given it to instead. Our verdict? We don’t actually know. Out of the nominees, it would have been her or GaGa, in my opinion. They’ve grown a fan base that’s dedicated and totally in love with their music. They create some pretty solid music, and I’d say they’re pretty entertaining. They’ve both also proved they can dominate the radio. I wouldn’t have given it to BEP or Beyonce, but that may just be my personal bias. I suppose you could make an argument for all of them — BEP and GaGa are truly unique and artistic, Taylor is the cute singer/songwriter that would have fit in in the ’90s, and Beyonce is the diva of the bunch. But did anyone actually truly make something that deserved to be album of the year? I don’t actually know. This is me, a 21-year-old, longing for the “old days” of music, when I could have solidly said that, yes, that truly is an album of the year — it will stand the test of time. What do you think? I’ll leave it at that for tonight.

11:25pm — “Smooth” plays in the background as John Legend and Carlos Santana come out to present. That song took everything 10 years ago. Thanks for reminding us about when really awesome songs deserved to win, and won, everything. Thanks, also, for calling DMB’s album “Big Whiskey and the Grou-Grou King” — solid job there.

11:18pm — But, seriously, I cannot take anyone who starred on “Degrassi” seriously as a rapper. Sorry, Aubrey — yeah, that’s right. Aubrey Drake Graham. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha. Anyhow, Travis Barker and the live guitars are actually making this survivable. I miss the funky backbeat that’s behind Lil’ Wayne in the actual track, though. Also, this, right here, with the million-miles-a-minute rapping is why Eminem is talented.

11:16pm — I actually somewhat enjoyed the Lil’ Wayne/Eminem part (another fun fact: I sincerely enjoy Eminem. I think he’s hysterical and very talented. OK, and a little bit crazy). I guess that was called “Drop the World,” and is off his “rock” album Rebirth, which might explain why it actually sounded decent.

11:14pm — There is far too much auto-tuning going on tonight. And we either just lost sound or they actually have to bleep that much out of Lil’ Wayne’s performance. My guess is probably the latter.

11:12pm — Oh, Quentin, always looking…well, you’re on stage and in polka dots and sunglasses. And talking a bit like you’re a 1950’s greaser. Whatever you gotta do.

11:03pm — I really need to see this Crazy Heart movie. Jeff Bridges is out to introduce the Les Paul tribute. I guess it was worth stick around to see Jeff Beck. My father is outraged that they’re not showing Tal Wilkenfeld, the 23-ish-year old bassist he plays with that’s an absolute beast on the bass. Seriously, go look her up. I’ve only ever watched her on…well, I forget, but it was one of the concert DVDs we have around here. She was pretty ridiculous.

11pm — We should be ending right now. Just FYI. Instead we’re doing a tribute to everyone that died this year — among them Mary Travers, who (another fun fact!), as 1/3 of Peter, Paul and Mary, was my first concert. We saw them at what is now the Finger Lakes Performing Art Center for (I think) my dad’s birthday when I was probably 10 or 11. I forgot DJ AM died this year, too.

10:55pm — Somebody named Maxwell is performing. I think I’ve probably heard of him before — or else the name just sounds familiar because the pre-commercial announcer girl has been saying that his performance is “coming up” all night — but this doesn’t interest me. I feel like they throw all the good performances at the beginning of the night, then make you stick around for the rest by not doing the big awards until the very end. It doesn’t help that the recent performances have been R&B and slow jam-y. All I can think of right now is how bad my shoulder hurts. I guess Roberta Flack was a nice addition.

10:50pm — They just rattled off a lot of people who have yet to perform. And we haven’t even gotten to the major awards yet. So much for this ending on time. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

10:48pm — Best Female Vocal Performance…why must Beyonce win everything? This is why these shows get boring.

10:46pm — I was just on the phone for basically all of the Dave Matthews Band performance, so all I saw was a lot of people on stage, and all I heard was a lot of violins. I guess it was good?

10:37pm — I think this guy is the Grammy President? But I don’t really know, I’ve lost interest. Once again, why don’t they televise stuff like the Neil Young presentation? This organization should be trying to keep classic music in the limelight, too. *off soapbox again*

10:28pm — “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” is always a good choice for these situations. Sounded good, but I’m more interested in the fact that my friend from college and a girl I went to high school with not only met each other at Disney in the College Program, but are actually working the same ride. I’m just being honest here. Small world, right?

10:24pm — “A loving son of Haiti,” really? That was lame. I don’t mean that disrespectfully, I mean that the Grammys need to hire some better writers.

10:22pm — I’m getting bored. Too bad Extreme Makeover isn’t still an option.

10:17pm — Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. There are only about six names mentioned among all of the nominees, I think that’s pretty interesting. I was pulling for JT and T.I., and I sort of wish Lonely Island had pulled off a total upset, but I’ll take “Run This Town.” It’s decent, and I don’t totally hate it.

10:14pm — And, for real, how can you NOT want to sing the chorus to “Livin’ on a Prayer”?

10:12pm — Took us a couple seconds to figure out that’s the girl from Sugarland, but she has an unmistakable voice once she starts singing.

10:10pm — Judge me, but I sort of love Bon Jovi. They try a little too hard to be cool, and they’ve totally got that leftover ’80s cheese, but they put on such a show. I’ve seen them twice, and it’s just spectacular.

10:08pm — They should consider a Grammy pre-show that gives all these people who win awards that aren’t shown on TV a chance to speak and be recognized more. They’re actually the ones who have made some serious contributions and matter years after the fact. I don’t think it’s fair to not give them a real moment of glory. *end soapbox rant*

10:01pm — Wait, have we ever actually heard MJ’s kids speak? Because that is NOT the voice I thought would be coming out of that little kid.

10:00pm — The best I can say about whatever that just was is that it wasn’t the strangest thing I’ve ever seen on TV. Actually, I don’t know what that says about my viewing habits.

9:57pm — So we’re letting MJ sing, then just throwing in random parts sung by Celine, Stevie Wonder, Jennifer Hudson and Carrie Underwood. And somebody I think is one of the Jackson kids. How did we pick those people? And it’s all in 3D, and it hurts my eyes. Really loving the random shots of hummingbirds and trees (not).

9:55pm — I’m curious to see how outlandish this Michael Jackson thing is gonna be. I’m a little confused why Celine Dion is here, and seeing 3D without having the glasses is hurting my eyes. Thanks for not providing me with the appropriate eyewear. Guess I’m the only person in America who doesn’t have a set of 3D glasses laying around?

9:50pm — OK, now this is better. Cute little re-mix of “You Belong with Me.” And I think we made it through all the important Taylor Swift moments without Kanye showing up, so that’s an improvement.

9:48pm — Stevie Nicks joins Taylor. Somebody is off-key again. And it’s not the one who originally sang the song. Keep their voices separate, and it sounds fine, but together — yikes.

9:47pm — Ryan Seacrest is right — Taylor Swift has a ridiculous gift for songwriting. I’m actually a little jealous of her. I don’t think I’ve ever heard this song before (probably called something along the lines of “Today Was a Fairytale”). It started out pretty, now it’s off-key.

9:45pm — My right shoulder is sore from typing at an odd angle. I think I’m in this ’til the end though. Just please don’t assault my ears with any more Slash/T-Pain mash-ups.

9:40pm — Dear Zac Brown, thank you for playing the hell out of that acoustic guitar.

9:35pm — Zac Brown Band and Leon Russell are bringing the country back to the Grammys. I’m pretty excited to listen to the stuff of theirs I just downloaded. Deep secret: I have a soft spot for country music (that explanation’s coming in a later blog).

9:32pm — Let’s get this back on track and give out the Best Rock Album award. You really can’t go wrong here, solely because it won’t involve any of the people that appeared on-stage in the last five minutes. I guess Green Day was the obvious choice. And by obvious, I don’t necessarily mean best. “21st Century Breakdown” is nowhere near is good as “American Idiot,” so let’s not pretend it is. I’m glad DMB didn’t win (they’re overrated, over-hyped, and you know it), but I think it shoulda been AC/DC or that MSG album. In any case, someone let me know where to find both them and Kings of Leon and those shots.

9:26pm — No, it just got worst. Justin Bieber and Ke$ha, with the former calling Bon Jovi Beyonce. Yes, I’m serious. Shouldn’t put a 15-year old on stage — have we not learned to read in kindergarten yet, Justin? And Ke$ha looks like she hasn’t showered in days. Please, oh please, make this stop. We started out so well, Grammys…what’s happening?

9:25pm — So now we have Slash, Jamie Foxx, and T-Pain? What. The. Eff? just happened here?

9:21pm — Robert Downy Jr. FTL. What is going on here? Oh, wait, it’s…what’s his name again? “Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol” — Jamie Foxx! That’s it! Nothing like an auto-tuned song about taking advantage of a drunk girl. As my friend Caitlin said, “Jamie Foxx…what you doing? Opera and autotune? SUPER FAIL.”

9:19pm — Kings of Leon!!! I wish it had been for “Sex on Fire,” but whatever. “I’m not gonna lie, we’re all a little drunk, but we’re happy drunk.” Thank you, rock & roll, for taking back the Grammys for 30 seconds.

9:17pm — “That’s Norah Jones?” — my father. “Ringo looks like Steve Jobs” — my boyfriend. So apparently we all disliked that pair. I, however, like when they keep showing that clip of Taylor Swift in the big glasses from the “You Belong with Me” video. It makes me feel like I was cool when I was 12 and had huge glasses for real.

9:15pm — My father has informed me my lead-in to this blog makes me sound like an old crazy cat lady. So, I would like to amend that: I am no longer home alone. My parents are here watching with me. Actually, I don’t know if that makes me sound much better (kidding, love you guys!)

9:1opm — They have a Grammy for Best Comedy Album? And it gets space on the TV broadcast? I’m sorry, what’s that about? Oh, hey, the host won — shocker. He’s the only one I would have given it to, though. I always feel so bad when they push the winners off stage with the music. Then they just talk over it. Oh, celebrities.

9:07pm — “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum is really, really pretty. Their voices sound great together. Apparently the Grammys are having sound volume issues though, so if we could sort those out and not ruin this performance, that’d be spectacular. K, thanks.

9:05pm — Joe Jonas, why would you wear those glasses?

9:00pm — “Welcome to the future!” — No, sir, this is the present. Please learn your times.

8:59pm — PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! “I’VE GOT A FEELING” IS OVERPLAYED AND NEEDS TO GO AWAY! *clears throat* Yeah, in case you couldn’t tell, I’m really over this song.

8:57pm — The Black Eyed Peas look ridiculous in their robot costumes. My feelings on “I’mma Be” are still out. I’ve heard the song a few times, and I can’t decide if it sounds bad or good over that beat and with that chorus. It’s sort of like Eminem’s “We Made You” in that way, but I eventually decided I enjoy the way that beat sounds with his lyrics. Actually, that beat is really spectacular; so different and quirky.

8:55pm — Miley Cyrus, go away! Your hair is too long. At least you’re wearing clothes. And not in a blonde wig.

8:46pm — Best New Artist time. I think I really need to check out the Zac Brown Band. There is a ton of buzz around them, and I haven’t heard much, but what I have heard is good. Also, how do Silversun Pickups get nominated? They’ve been around for a while.

8:43pm — Um, Pink’s outfit looks like something that belongs in the Deep South in the 1800s — ya catch my drift? ‘Cept I don’t think they’d be quite that, um…naked? Janet Jackson accidentally flashes the Superbowl, but Pink can get away with being dripping wet and basically naked on the Grammys? Yup, makes total sense. That was quite pretty though. Even Carlos Santana looks impressed.

8:40pm — Yay, Leonard Cohen! “Hallelujah” is one of the most beautiful songs ever.

8:38pm — I just think you should know my dinner is now cold. I need to get up and reheat, but I don’t want to miss anything. I am starving for your benefit!

8:35pm — Aww, Jay-Z looked so proud of her.

8:31pm — She is NOT covering Alanis Morrisette. She is NOT…but it actually sounds good. I can’t decide if I should hate this or love it.

8:28pm — Beyonce seems like a sweet lady, but this diva thing is just…so 1990s. Just sing, don’t overdo it so much. You have a pretty voice.

8:25pm — And awkward presentation banter. Award to Taylor Swift, who looks spectacular (and shocked) as always. Her dress is beautiful. We made it through without Kanye stealing the mic!

8:20pm — Yeah, this sounds epic. I’m a definite fan of choruses. You can’t actually hear Billy Joe with everyone else singing, and this isn’t a dis at his voice, but I love it. I will most definitely be seeing that on Broadway.

8:15pm — I am DYING to see this American Idiot musical when it comes to NYC. This is one of the performances I actually want to see. However, I would have liked to see what they did with a faster song.

8:14pm — I’m sorry, am I the only person who does not “get” this whole Beyonce thing? I’m over the “Single Ladies” thing already. The song is overplayed. And the fact that it was co-written by three guys? I see a problem.

8:12pm — At least we’re all united in making fun of the iPad. And, oh, hey, it’s an award!

8:10pm — Alright, Stephen Colbert. Please stop now. This is what I meant about awkward host moments. I legitimately feel for his daughter. Those reactions from her? I don’t think they’re fake.

8:05pm — Grammy Awards, I’m impressed. I may stick with you this year.

8:03pm — Holy frig, is that Elton John? I didn’t think he could get much more outlandish, but I never thought about what would happen if he met GaGa. Love this dueling piano thing. I unconditionally love Elton John, so all I will is gush over this moment. And I really, really enjoy Lady GaGa when she slows things down like that.

8pm — As usual, Lady GaGa never fails to go all-out. I don’t know what’s up with this freaky musical-ringleader guy. He sort of reminds me of one of those villans out of a cartoon movie.

7:55pm — They haven’t even started yet, and I’m already tempted to skip the Grammys and watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition instead. Teacher with cancer, Oscar winners, new houses — it’s a sob-fest waiting to happen!