Angela Marie Stefano

So remember when I live-blogged the Grammys? I don’t have much (read: anything) to do tonight, so live blogging’s BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! (Please, hold back the excitement.)

And without further ado — here we go!

8:54 — “The show hasn’t actually started yet — but it will start.” So says the blonde VJ talking about the VMAs taking over Twitter. Thank you, darling, for cluing us in. And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why MTV and the VMAs make me want to punt a puppy — awful VJs.

8:56 — Sway, please be quiet. You too, British boy standing with the real-life moonman.

9:00 — Oh, hey — the show’s starting. Blonde VJ was right!

9:01 — “I think he got the short end of the stick.” Actually, I can’t make fun of this one. That was a good way to put it. I’m awfully sick of the MJ stuff (it’s over two months later, people!), but I hope Madonna’s monologue is the last tribute we have to hear because it was better than any of the ones there have been. Simple and classy, and that’s all you need.

9:07 — I really, really wish I knew the “Thriller” dance. Add that to my list of things to do in life.

9:10 — Yeah, Janet! That was great, and I love seeing the whole audience go nuts. It hits home how respected MJ is among musicians and the industry, despite everything.

9:14 — Katy Perry (or at least I THINK it’s Katy Perry?) covering Queen? It’s…well, I like her, but she doesn’t have the voice for it.

9:16 — Russel Brand is an asshat, and I don’t know why MTV invited him back to host again. He also looks like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka. And that is not a good thing. End of story.

9:19 — Can you even understand him with the accent? Oh, wait, we can all still understand the dick jokes. Ugh, I strongly dislike this man.

9:22 — No laugh for that Lady GaGa joke. Finally he shuts up. Now we just have to listen to cheesy, teleprompter-read awards presentations.

9:24 — Yes! Taylor Swift in me-in-fourth-grade geeky glasses wins!

9:25 — Wait wait, WTF was that Kanye? That CANNOT have been planned. People were booing, and they cut her off mid-speech. I take back the asshat award for the night — Kanye gets it now. Poor Taylor.

9:28 — We’re in commercial — I think an unplanned, cut-because-of-Kayne one. General Twitter consensus? That was NOT planned. And everyone seems to be on Swift’s side. Congrats, Kayne, for crossing the no-turning-back line of being an asshole. I hope this doesn’t psych Taylor out for her performance.

9:33 — And now Brand’s trying to fix it by making sex jokes about Beyonce and T. Swift, and ending it with “in memory of MJ.” Oh, my God, man, SHUT UP!

9:35 — OK, new award. Let’s move on with the night and not give Kanye the attention he wants. Green Day wins. Good for them, though I’m not particularly wild about that song. But, Billy Joe Armstrong = love.

9:37 — And thanks to Billy Joe for pushing the “play more videos.” Sincerely.

9:40 — T. Swift rocking the subway. Good girl. I know it’s taped, but she finished the live part of the performance very well for someone who just got what can only be explained as the shock of a lifetime (seriously, what would be more of a shock than that?)

9:42 — Anyone find it ironic the Rhapsody commercial was about Taylor Swift? Sorry, I’m still reeling over what an asshat Kanye is. Checking the Rolling Stone and MTV blogs, and they all basically say everyone in there thinks he’s scum now. This commercial break left us with the thought of what Lady GaGa will wear, though, so I’m sure we’ll have plenty more to talk about when the show returns.

9:47 — 3oh!3 does not sound good live. Which is a shame, because I think they would be fun to see. This isn’t a new development, though, and I don’t think it’s just because the sound in there is wired to try and make it sound good both on TV and in there.

9:51 — My verdict was out on Lady GaGa before now, but she sounds pretty good. I am, however, a little (read: a LOT) confused about this whole hospital-themed performance. Rolling Stone says it’s an homage to Madonna’s famous “Like A Virgin” performance. I don’t buy it. Still, on sound alone, thumbs up.

9:56 — Commercial. Kanye has now taken over Twitter AND Facebook. Oh well…it’s all negative. I’m re-watching the clip; it’s like a car crash, when you can’t look away. And Beyonce looks so caught in the middle. Aww…

10:01 — Every time Russel Brand speaks, I want to kick the TV. Did that Lil’ Wayne thing even make sense? But I’m feeling pressured to keep watching because I want to see Beyonce and Green Day.

10:03 — Oh, hey, Kanye, of Beyonce doesn’t win Best Pop Video, are you gonna storm the stage again? MTV, if you’re smart, you’ve got him chained to his seat. Or just kicked out — that would be better.

10:04 — Aw, Britney’s acceptance is taped. Kanye can’t ruin that. Fail, Kanye, fail.

10:06 — Thanks, Adam Brody, for putting absolutely zero emotion into that. You could have at least tried. Meanwhile, Green Day is reminding me why I should have sucked it up, paid the $80 and driven to Hamilton to see them. Oh, to be up on that stage.

10:11 — I just realized how much I really don’t even care who wins any of the awards. And that none of my comments are even about the winners themselves, just what’s going on in the show. We’re hitting right to the point of why awards shows annoy me: They’re all about the spectacle, and not really about the music. Just in case you didn’t realize that within the first 15 minutes of the show.

10:17 — Oh, so much shrieking. Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t even care to see this New Moon trailer? Instead, boyfriend and I are in a text debate over the Kanye incident — he says isn’t not as big a deal as everyone’s making it out to be, and that it’s just him giving an opinion. I say, that’s fine, have an opinion, but use some tact.

10:21 — I am not in the least a fan of Beyonce’s music, but she is, without a doubt, very talented. I do wish I could dance like her though. Add the “Single Ladies” dance to the list of dances I should learn. And she looks like she’s just having a good time up there — that’s nice to see.

10:27 — Ugh, should probably stay up for Muse. 11pm is cut-off time, I think. If I had HBO, I’d be flipping to Entourage right now.

10:31 — Oh, hot damn, Diddy. Too soon for the Kanye jokes! I know it’s your script, but this would be one of those times you DON’T USE IT!

10:32 — “We Made You” by Eminem is seriously catchy. That beat is great; so unexpected. I can’t tell if Kanye got boo’d more during his video.

10:33 — Oh, snap, with Diddy’s reaction, I thought Kanye won. Props to T.I. for winning awards from jail? (*confused look*)

10:35 — I don’t understand how Muse’s popularity hasn’t made the jump across the pond. For real, people, please listen to that performance, hear the crowd’s reaction, get their music, and start loving! That guitar riff is straight out of some classic song I can’t think of right now (but I am hearing in
my head…), and they have a seriously rocking sound. It’s slightly epic, once again like a few bands I can’t come up with right now (exhaustion setting in). Next time they’re anywhere near here, I’m so there.

10:40 — Can I ask what’s up with these Tracy Morgan/Eminem things? I’m really lost.

10:41 — I’m ready to hit the hay, and MTV is pulling me in with that “more Muse in three minutes” teaser. This is the longest I’ve stayed with a VMAs in years, and I blame the teasers. While we’re in commercial break, can we focus on how creepy the Beatles Rock Band commercial is, with those odd Beatles look-alikes (that don’t really look anything alike)?

10:44 — Wait, does that audience get an entire Muse concert? Forget the VMAs, I’d so much rather be in that venue.

10:47 — Why, oh why, is Tyson Ritter covered in glitter body paint? Seriously — why?

10:48 — Another catchy song? “Right Round” by Flo Rida. Any song that can sample a pretty bad ’80s song and make it good is cool with me. Asher Roth, however, is a fail. Congrats to Em for the win; I’m serious, that “We Made You” backing track is sweet. And I will always love him.

10:51 — DJ A.M. tribute via that guy who references a zillion songs (“Whatever You Like,” for example) and samples “Pokerface,” while still managing to call his song “original” (Whatever you say…). I still have no idea what his name is. For real, who is he?

10:54 — Caitlin and I are Twittering a love of Eminem. I recall many a good awards show performance from the man. Plus, right, he’s kinda hot (weirdly enough?).

10:55 — Apparently that unnamed guy from the DJ A.M. tribute is Wale. Good to know?

10:58 — And, finally, the Tracy Morgan/Eminem things make sense. GaGa wins whatever award it was…and, um, What. The. Eff. is that girl wearing? It looks like it’s topped off with a red chef’s hat? Oh, wait, but there’s her face — much better.

10:58 — “And it’s for God, and for the gays.” Um…OK, GaGa.

10:59 — Because MTV just couldn’t stay away from controversy for much longer, Serena Williams is out to introduce P!ink. And references her little screw up.

11:01 — Past my bedtime for real, but P!ink is getting all acrobat on us. There’s a Rolling Stone piece on this in this month’s issue. Props to the girl for being able to sing upside down and while doing flips, you know, 50 or so feet up in the air.

11:05 — She’s down and looks relieved. I would be, too.

11:06 — More commercials and a dying computer means it’s bedtime for this blogger. Be sure to let me know ASAP if I miss any more major moments (preferably not involving Mr. West).